1.A sense of being valued:
Interaction within the family leads children to the feeling of “I am valuable” or “I am worthless”. If this requirement is not fulfilled in the family, the child tries to achieve this feeling by means of means. The conflicts of adolescent boys, which often end in death by forming gangs, can also be interpreted as a reaction to family environments that do not consider themselves important. An individual who has achieved the feeling of ”I am valuable" in the family will not need to commit extreme behaviors to prove himself.
2.Environment of trust:
Individuals in the family want to ensure that they are safe in the family and that dangerous events outside will not enter the family. This feeling is also a feeling that must be earned in the family. One thing that should not be forgotten is how safe the child is in the house. Especially in terms of exposure to violence, the home environment should be structured by considering the dangers that TV and the internet environment that is not suitable for age may create. Eating in front of the TV, decorating the home environment according to the TV, news programs aimed at extreme violence, magazine programs that will encourage children and young people can be factors that will disrupt the security of the home for children. A child who does not find himself in safety may turn to a place outside the family and sever his ties with the family.
3.A sense of closeness and solidarity:
If there is basic trust and solidarity in the family, the negative events that create stress faced by a person outside the family will not be so devastating. A family in which a sense of trust is experienced can protect itself from the troubles and worries created by the outside world. Individuals who are in this type of family trust their environment as well as themselves. If trust and solidarity are not provided in the family, these people experience intense stress and tension. These people cannot even trust themselves. Therefore, they cannot establish close relationships around it.
4.Sense of responsibility:
The sense of responsibility begins to develop within the family system. Parents express a sense of responsibility with their behavior and words. In the family, not only the parents, but everyone shares the sense of responsibility. Of course, children should be given responsibility in proportion to their age. Parents who take all the responsibility on themselves and relieve their children from responsibility raise individuals who are constantly under the management of others who have difficulty shaping their own lives. As a result of such attitudes, individuals who have grown up constantly hold others responsible for the events taking place in their lives.
How to Gain a Sense of Responsibility?
Responsibility begins from early childhood with the assignment of tasks appropriate to the age, gender and level of development of the child. Starting from the age of two and a half, giving the child the opportunity to drink soup on his own, even if he has lost his hair, waiting for him to collect his toys, preparing an environment for him to sleep in his own bed in his own room provides an encouraging and supportive environment for the child in terms of responsibility. Since such an environment will give the child the opportunity to be self-sufficient and self-manage, it will also increase his self-confidence.
On the contrary, the protective approach prevents the child from becoming a self-sufficient, independent individual. Protecting a child or teenager, raising him under his wing, gives zara instead of benefit. The seeds of self-esteem develop if they are given responsibility.
Interaction within the family leads the child to the feeling of either “I am valuable” or “I am worthless”.
In order for the child to perceive himself as “I am valuable” and to feel that he is important, he first needs social acceptance from his close environment. In order to create this environment, it is also necessary to give the child the opportunity to practice. A child who dresses as he wants, chooses his own clothes, makes the pictures he wants, eats his food without pressure, sees that his personality is respected and can express himself freely thinks, “I am valuable.” The fact that the child feels important and valuable leads him to new breakthroughs and achievements.
5.Learning to overcome them by struggling with difficulties:
The child should not be given everything ready. The stories about the development of a sense of responsibility are related to the struggle with difficulties. Considering the developmental period that the child is in, the child should be left alone with his own problems. This approach is necessary to allow children to deal with problems by struggling with them, to grow up as individuals who are confident in themselves and have developed problem-solving skills. The children of parents who over-help in every difficulty they face are constantly in need of others, insecure about themselves. Such people cannot discover their talent skills.
6.The environment for happiness and self-realization:
The family environment is an environment of happiness. Meeting the requirements described so far brings happiness. The individual who tastes the feeling that he is valuable at home becomes happy and gets satisfaction from the things he does, finds the opportunity to realize himself. Otherwise, when a mother who dedicates herself to her child or spouse suspends or abandons her own development, she will become unhappy by experiencing deprivation or thinking that she has sacrificed herself and her youth. The unhappiness of one of the individuals in the house about this issue will affect other individuals and prevent family happiness. However, the purpose of the committed individual was most likely to make his family happier.
7.The environment for creating the foundations of a healthy spiritual life:
A child raised under strict religious rules constantly experiences the fear that he will be judged and punished. Instead of exploring and discovering his inner and outer world that will enrich his own life and experiences, he learns to blindly obey, to be ashamed of his own thoughts and feelings. Healthy spiritual life is the most important process that a family can give to its child. People with a healthy spiritual foundation grow up as individuals who are at peace with themselves, positive human relationships and strong respectful.
Our proverb ”People get along Decisively" emphasizes the importance of interpersonal communication. Communication is a multifaceted exchange of messages with people opposite us. These messages can be transmitted to others in non-verbal forms, as well as verbally. When transmitting our messages to others, our expressions, gestures, in other words, our body language, constitute a very important dimension of our communication.
Studies have shown that 65% of the desired message is given by non-verbal means (body language, facial expressions, etc.), while 35% indicate that it is transmitted in verbal form.
What Is Necessary For Effective Communication?
For Effective Communication;
1- To Respect: To respect the people in front of us means to accept their existence, to make them feel important and valuable, to accept them as they are.
2- To be able to Act Naturally: To act as it is, away from exaggeration.
3-Empathy: It is perhaps the most important element of communication. In a sense, it is trying to see the outside world through the window of the person opposite us. This established feeling partnership makes communication strong.
4-active listening: a good listener, which communicates with the person is not alone, say the face, hands, arms and body too because that is what they did with the facial expressions, hand and arm movements, body posture, style, tone of voice communicates with, such as messages using silent. Active listening shows that the listener not only hears what is being told, but also understands it correctly. That is why this method is considered the most healthy method of communication
Communication is not just talking. Communication at the same time;
ó How, to know what to say,
ó To be able to present events by simplifying,
ó To be able to speak fluently and to make eye contact with the other person,
ó is to be able to concentrate attention and check whether the person opposite you understands the message given.
The basis of effective communication lies in the individual's self-knowledge, awareness of their own values and attitudes, and self-confidence. A good communicator sees the cues instantly (gestures, facial expressions, body posture) and evaluates them realistically. Effective listening, reacting, positive approach and I language concepts are important for effective communication.
How Should the Parent-Child Relationship Be?
Every family wants to raise healthy and successful children. While the awareness of raising healthy children is developing positively with developing technology, unfortunately, the expectation of success is gradually increasing and the child is forced to take on responsibilities that are greater than his age to grow up early. Parents who try to provide their children with as good a future as possible, put out their best efforts to get them to study in good schools and give all their dedication to their child. However, how a child will develop a healthy personality is a topic that is not given much thought. In fact, not everything in life is success. The important thing is that the child can live a healthy life in the period he is in and create a healthy identity.
Due to the characteristics of the periods in which the child lives, his needs are quite different from each other. The child who wants to fall asleep with parents in childhood will not demand such a request in adolescence. Again, the child who is traveling with his parents will not even want to meet his parents while traveling with his parents, not in adolescence, but with his friends.
The adolescence period is a change development process in itself, and during this period, in addition to the physical characteristics of the adolescent, differences in clothing, eating habits, friend preferences, study habits can also be observed.
Therefore, the age, gender and personality characteristics of the child are very important in communicating with the child. Parents who can take an open attitude to possible dangers in childhood should be able to remotely control their child during adolescence. He should not act in a controlled but oppressive manner in the choice of friends. Let's not forget that freedom does not mean boundlessness.